Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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