Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
