Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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