Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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