Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
