You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i love accidental penises.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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