what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We are two peas in an std pod
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
