When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
