sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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