so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Randomize
