your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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