I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The feeling are messing with the penis
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
