Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
