I'm gonna have a badass scar
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
