he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
