He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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