sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
