forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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