you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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