I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
