he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
