6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Green mimosas i think yes
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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