i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize