Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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