My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
