what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Enjoy the penises
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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