We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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