its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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