i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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