My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
