in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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