yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
