I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
