oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
