So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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