i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
