I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
from now on my penis is your penis
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
