you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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