Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
