I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
