Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
