And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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