Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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