I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
