Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
