I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
