do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
How naked do you want me to be?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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