thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
