Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
