he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
