This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
