So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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