he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize