I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We have started to decorate penises.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
