Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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