i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
