We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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