spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
