i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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