I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
