Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
