oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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