I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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