the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize