I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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