do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
