quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
