When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Who died my cat blue again?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
