I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
