This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
