Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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