I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
