You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize