So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
